How to Love Your Pastor: 5 Ways to Care for the One Who Cares for You

October, Pastor Appreciation Month, is a beautiful opportunity to reflect on the pastors and spiritual leaders in our lives. Yet, I recognize that this month can feel bittersweet for some—perhaps even heavy—much like Mother’s or Father’s Day can be. Not everyone has had a healthy relationship with their pastor, and for some, there are wounds that still linger. But I believe this season can also be a time for healing and reconciliation. Whether you’ve been blessed with a role model or have experienced challenges, we are invited to honor, bless, encourage, and forgive.

As a leader myself, my prayer for you is that you find courage in this reflection—not just in how you approach your pastor but how you approach your calling. Whether you’re serving in ministry, the marketplace, or the mountaintops of influence, my hope is that these five ways to love your pastor remind you of the value in leading with grace and compassion.

1. Hold Them in High Esteem (1 Thessalonians 5:12-13)

Paul’s words in 1 Thessalonians remind us to “hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work.” Leadership, especially spiritual leadership, is often accompanied by unseen struggles. Your pastor might be carrying burdens you’re unaware of. Take a moment to consider the countless ways your pastor works behind the scenes, tirelessly serving the congregation, community, and the call of God.

If your pastor has been a good shepherd, don’t let their hard work go unnoticed. A simple word of gratitude, a note of appreciation, or an act of kindness goes a long way. Remember, they are not perfect—but they’re faithfully trying to follow the One who is.

2. Learn from Their Lives of Faith (Hebrews 13:7)

Pastors live out their faith in the trenches, often facing trials and triumphs alike. Hebrews 13:7 calls us to “remember your leaders… and imitate their faith.” It’s easy to look at the pulpit and forget the pressures pastors face offstage. Watch how your pastor handles challenges, how they maintain faith under pressure, how they serve their own families, and how they shepherd even when no one is watching.

What can you learn from their walk with Christ? Whether you’re in ministry, leading in the marketplace, or standing on the mountaintops of influence, the way your pastor lives out their faith can be a source of inspiration for your own journey.

3. Pray for Them—Deeply and Often (Ephesians 6:18)

Here’s a question I want to ask: how often do you really pray for your pastor? They need prayer more than you might imagine. The weight of spiritual leadership is immense, and they often face spiritual warfare in ways that aren't visible to the congregation.

Ephesians 6:18 urges us to “pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers.” Whether you’ve had a great experience with your pastor or you’re still on a journey of healing, lift them up in prayer. Ask God to strengthen them, give them wisdom, and refresh their spirit as they pour out to others.

4. Stand By Them in the Work (Exodus 17:12)

The image of Aaron and Hur standing beside Moses, holding up his arms when he grew weary in Exodus 17, is such a powerful reminder of what pastors need. They can’t carry the weight alone. Ministry, leadership, and shepherding can be lonely. And while it’s their calling, it’s not meant to be a one-person job.

In your leadership role, consider how you can stand by your pastor. Whether you’re serving in ministry or supporting them in practical ways, your presence can be a lifeline. Ask yourself how you can help carry the load—whether it’s serving, encouraging, or simply being a faithful presence.

5. Help Them to Love You—Even When It’s Hard (Hebrews 13:17)

Hebrews 13:17 says, “Have confidence in your leaders… Do this so their work will be a joy, not a burden.” Pastoring can be hard, especially when met with resistance or misunderstanding. It can become even harder when relationships are strained. But as much as pastors are called to care for the flock, the flock also has a role in making their shepherd’s work a joy.

How can you help your pastor love you better? Maybe it’s offering forgiveness if there’s been hurt. Maybe it’s being more open and receptive to their guidance. This is an opportunity for healing and growth—for you, your pastor, and your spiritual community.

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A Time to Heal and Reconcile

This Pastor Appreciation Month, I encourage you to see it as more than just a time for cards and recognition. It’s a season for healing and reconciliation. If your relationship with a pastor has been challenging or painful, perhaps this is the time to pray for healing. If you’ve been blessed with a faithful pastor, take the time to honor and love them well.

And as leaders, remember that the way we serve in our respective places of influence—whether in ministry, the marketplace, or the mountaintops—carries weight. We are called to be agents of healing, and that starts with how we treat those who lead us. Let’s be people who uplift, support, and love our pastors in a way that reflects the grace we’ve received.

References:

• Calhoun, A. A. (2015). Spiritual Disciplines Handbook: Practices That Transform Us. InterVarsity Press.

• Morse, G. (2022). How to Care for a Pastor. Desiring God. Retrieved from desiringgod.org

• Owen, J. (1659). Duties of Christian Fellowship.

• The Holy Bible, New International Version (NIV).